DANG.!!!

15 august is the 4th day in my entire life that i almost cried in sch. oh well the first three i really cried like pitifully horribly but i decided i shouldn't just break don in front of so many ppl in assembly.i just have to write it down somewhere. that this morning totally suck.it was the lowest point of my life.i never had such problems ever.

me, p, e and xr was supposed to do some econs critic together.2 article so a pair do what.naturally im paired with p.and she went of to national camp during the week when we were supposed to hand in. so naturally again, i end up doing a one-man show.i think she can sense my bu shuang-ness.but wth.pw also like that.me pris and may ALWAYS ALWAYS end up doing the work.the other 2 existence will not affect anything at all.im like quite sure.i wasnt really that pissed with doing a one man show coz im usually non-antagonistic.just felt that it was unfair and why am i always the one doing?just because i got not much cca commitments.just because im in that sense less busy.just because i got no camps to go to.im quite sure if i was in your position you would have just screamed at me and grumbled like crazy.im assuming but im quite sure it would be that case.who said life was fair huh yirong, you just got really unlucky but starting to stick to her on your first day in stupid vj.

ok never mind.so i end up doing one article and e another.xr didnt do anything and i also dont know why.anyway he's with e.so if e is fine with him not doing then im ok.the most irritating part is now building up.i sent my review and e's review to p for editing.so ok la.whatever.i sent her at like 9 plus, sent her an sms to tell her and she only replied me at like 11.40plus.and i went to sleep at like 11 le.read the msg in the morning and the sms read:"i dont have a printer, but im editing now,just saw it.you were in no mood to write is it,you sound kinda weird in the report."can be more subtle.its just a step from saying what i spent 2 nights doing without you is crap.i shouldnt have done anything at all.then i replied in the morning:'so did you edit alot.you dont even know whats my article how you edit"and she said:"yea i kinda edit yours alot,i didnt really read through e 's one cos it was rather late when i was done.though i was with him ytd while he did" ok la.so that means if she ws to do with me like its possible she dont need to edit alot la.edit until very late means my review SUCK SO MUCH SHE HAD TO SACRIFICE HER PRECIOUS SLEEP FOR IT??then i said my content leh??or something to that extent.she replied"cos i read then i da gai rephrase, the content is still the same..."so goody.my language suck..im just EXHILARATED AND THRILLED AT THAT.
ok so i went to sch and i msg e to say i haven print coz obviously p didnt manage to send me back b4 i fell asleep.apparently this was not the case.i found out later that she didnt even send the edited ont to me email at all.i still have to access her mail in sch to print it out.alone.i ponned econs lect for it.then guess what.e replied:"then how to print". i said in sch.then he replied"we hardly have a break leh...y so last minute?we alr got everything finished last night!"exclamation mark.ya everything was my fault.yupps.i should have just stayed up and wait until she sends me the edited one or even if she doesnt send me its all my fault.how nice.just so nice.and he kind of conveniently forget that it was him who said send to p to edit.amazing.life just totally rocks.so in a super irritated attitude on the bus i sent"the most i pon lesson la.i send p to edit and i must still wait for her to send me back right. and she only started editing it at 11plus!!!so am i supposed to wait for her till then?"and he didnt reply.the whole day i avoided any eeye contact with him and im sure for the rest of the remaining years in vj i will never be able to face him the same as before.

and this is not the end.the one that really made tears actually well up and the most threatening moment was when xr just rushed to me at assembly and demanded why you havent print yet.got no time leh.then i just felt like punching him screaming at him.like as if he did anything like that.he got no right to criticise me like that.so for the whole national anthem and pledge i was biting back my tears.because i dont cry easily.never.esp for stupid ppl like them.

i will never group with them for anything forever again.
i will never be able to face all 3 of them as i did before.
i will see them differently from now on.
i know who my true friends are.
i know that im such a pushover.
i know that the reality is cruel and ppl can snub you all the time.
i will be stronger and i will defend myself against future emotional distress.
i do not cry easily.