random post!!!!
A cowboy rode to an inn on Friday stayed two nights and left on Friday. How could that be?
What did the pen say to the paper?
NASA was interviewing professionals to be sent to Mars. Only one could go, but with one catch - he couldn't return to Earth.The first applicant, an engineer, was asked how much he wanted to be paid for going. "One million dollars," he answered, "because I want to donate it to M.I.T."The next applicant, a doctor, was asked the same question. He asked for two million. "I want to give a million to my family," he explained, "and leave the other million for the advancement of medical research." The last applicant was a lawyer. When asked how much money he wanted, he whispered in the interviewer's ear, "Three million dollars.""Why so much more than the others?" the interviewer asked.The lawyer replied, "If you give me $3 million, I'll give you $1 million, I'll keep $1 million, and we'll send the engineer."
Two peanuts were walking down a spooky road at night... One was assaulted.
Why was the Tomato blushing? Because he saw the salad dressing.
A termite walks into a barroom and asks, "Is the bar tender here?
How do you catch a squirrel? Climb into a tree and act like a nut...
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road? Because he/she had no guts!
why didn't the chicken cross the road? Because he was too chicken!
Why don't cannibals eat comedians? Because they taste funny.
"Waiter! This coffee tastes like mud." "Yes sir, it's fresh ground."
A skeleton is in a bar. He goes up to the bar. "A pint of lager and a mop please."
Two male mushrooms are walking down the road. Walking towards them is a female mushroom all dressed up. They look at her. She ignores them both and walks right by. Then, the one male mushroom, in a very high pitched mushroom voice, says to the oth er: "Jeez, she didn't even look at us. What's wrong? We are a couple of fun-gis!"
Where does a one armed man shop? At a second hand store!
A couple cannot wait to be married. They are driving home and hit a patch of ice, crash, die and go right to heaven. Appearing before Saint Peter, they tell him, "Saint Peter, we couldn't wait to get married, Could you get us married here in heaven ." Saint Peter pauses and says, "I'll see what I can do." Time passes and Saint Peter calls the couple to his office and tells them, "I have some good news, you are going to be married." They are married and are so happy. As time goes on, they go back to see Saint Peter. They tell him, "we want a divorce. This marriage isn't what we thought it would be. We can't stand it." Saint Peter responds,"give me a break, it took me 10 years to find a priest to marry you, it will take me forever to find you a lawyer."
random stuff courtesy of google.
